The Best Things in Life Are Not...Things
My mother took her final breath and slipped away at 7:22 p.m. on Thursday, November 7, 2024, at The Good Samaritan Medical Center in West Palm Beach, Florida. At 88, she remained vibrant, opinionated, altruistic, and active until the end. In fact, she spent her final birthday last May planting cucumbers in her garden beneath the Florida sun.
As I sat in her living room the day before her funeral, I gazed at the piano I had played as a child and at the walls adorned with photographs of her younger self, her children, relatives, and faces I didn’t recognize. Each picture whispered stories of a life well-lived.
In one corner of the couch rested her black pocketbook, holding a few crackers, tissues, her wallet, a COVID mask, two Bibles filled with yellow-highlighted passages, a mint teabag, and her cellphone, which beeped periodically—a reminder of voicemails she would never hear.
Her chihuahua, Ginger, caught between confusion and excitement amid the unusual activity, wandered from room to room, searching for his companion of the past eight years.
Her bedroom closets brimmed with colorful dresses, hats, and shoes. An open laptop lay on a vibrant satin bedspread, a testament to her love for life and the world around her. She had an affinity for tchotchkes, and they were plentiful, each one a memory of a moment she cherished.
I ambled outside, where her red RAV4 was parked in the driveway (yes, she was still driving at 88). In the backyard, the nesberry, ackee, avocado, aloe vera, and mango trees swayed gently in the breeze. As the sun began to set, the lively sound of Latin music drifted over from her neighbors enjoying the evening in their backyard. We made dinner plans. Life continued. Unaffected.
At the graveside, my sisters, immediate family, and her church friends stared at the white casket covered with red roses. Her pastor’s voice filled the air, surrounded by a mix of weeping and stoic faces. A heaviness settled in my chest as tears welled for a mother with whom I had no real bond. Yet, the finality of the moment and the brevity of life was visceral.
As we walked across the soft grass of the cemetery toward the car, I turned back to see the casket slowly disappearing beneath the earth.
“Goodbye, Mommy,” I whispered softly, and in that moment, I was reminded of what truly matters.
The best things in life are not things. When we leave this world, we leave it all behind to be picked through, scrutinized, and haggled over at yard sales, or discarded on trash day. Just like that. It’s as if you never existed.
So, in this new year, let’s evaluate how we show up and move through our lives, working diligently to make the rest of our years the best of our years.
Here are a few suggestions:
Whine Less
Let’s be more intentional and put the brakes on complaining. Don’t hate Mondays; many have just lived their final weekend. There’s no such thing as bad weather; it’s simply…weather. We’re here, so let’s dance in the rain and make snow angels. Wishing for the weekend to hurry up and get here, causes us to rush past and miss the joys of Tuesdays.
Wrong Turns
Some of us may have missed exits in 2024. Perhaps you should have gotten off but didn’t, or turned right but should have veered left. Maybe curiosity led you to investigate, much like in those cliché horror films, and now the metaphorical monster is wreaking havoc in your life. But as long as you have breath in your body, you possess the power to make a new choice, shift your perspective and reshape your mindset, bit by bit, until the consequences of wrong turns fade from your rearview mirror.
Moonshot
Dream big and reach for the stars! Keep in mind that failures and setbacks might not seem attractive, but they are vital to form the foundation for your strength, empowerment, and success. Just as materials like concrete, lumber, wiring, drywall, etc. may appear unappealing on their own, but when combined, they can create a magnificent palace.
Don’t Compare
Comparing yourself to others holds no value and is ultimately counterproductive. Everyone faces their own fears, struggles, and inner battles that you may not see. Everyone! Therefore, keep the spotlight on yourself—this is your life, and you are the star of YOUR show. Don’t squander time with comparison. Dance like no one’s watching, because they likely aren’t.
Snakeskin
If someone treats you poorly, you have the power to not be their victim. Shed them like old, crusty snakeskin and continue to be the unique, beautiful soul that you were created to be. The power is within you. How others treat you is their choice; how you allow that treatment to affect you, is yours.
Let It Go
All that happens—the good, the bad, and the ugly—are cobblestones along your journey. Some are smooth; others are jagged and slippery. But keep moving, reinvented and detached from the dead roots of the expired version of yourself. Holding the wrongdoings of others hostage in your heart depletes YOUR joy. Evict those toxic squatter thoughts that chip away at your spirit and focus on shining with confidence, self-worth, and empowerment.
Health is Wealth
Do everything in your power to preserve it. Even when your motivation to eat healthily, exercise regularly, manage stress, and practice self-care wanes, it’s essential to keep showing up for yourself—even without that motivation. Just as we regularly tune up our cars, fill them with quality fuel, and perform diagnostic tests - remember that while you can always get another car, you will never get another body. Be just as diligent about the health of the vehicle that carries you through life. Your health is priceless, so invest in it with consistency and diligence.
And…when that day comes and the sun rises without you, what will matter are the memories you've created. It won’t be about the things you left behind, sorted through or discarded; rather, it will be about how you made people feel.
The kindness, affection, love, and grace you poured into others cannot be sold at a yard sale or left on the curb on trash day. They are treasures that hold eternal value, etched in the hearts of all who were fortunate enough to know you.
Let’s spend this year accumulating memories instead of things.
